#also the fact that I didnt have my own room was a big part of it

[starrynight-over-thepast]

Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh I am so gay for Catherine Deneuve

[mbat]

fuck it, have my unnecessarily personal review that i left on letterboxd (i literally only made a letterboxd account like 3 days ago and this is my first and only review ahfhdg)

"i only just finished watching this film about 2 hours ago and for the first while after, i didnt know how to feel. i went into this movie knowing it was a trans metaphor (and that was the only thing i knew), and it definitely was. there were some things i didnt understand until i saw other peoples discussions of it, and some parts i still dont entirely understand, but i think i understand enough.

mind you, i am trans and ive known for years, im just bad at picking up metaphor sometimes. i think it doesnt help that i went into it expecting it to be a very different kind of metaphor because, well... i dont think ive ever seen a trans story like this. the one where they explore someone rejecting their identity and living their life refusing to believe it, even though theyre suffocating to death. i love any trans story (that isnt hateful of course), but they tend to be the same kind. this one wasnt. im glad it wasnt.

for about an hour after i couldnt stop thinking about the final scene, in the birthday room. i hoped i would stop thinking about it eventually, i was trying to move on with my day, but it just wouldnt leave. i rewatched it on youtube and i read the comments, and as i made my own comment i just started sobbing, and i couldnt stop.

that breakdown scene in that birthday room has been how ive felt for so long, but i cant just scream like that. hell, ive felt like that in so many ways that arent even related to my trans identity. just that throat-tearing scream, begging for help, im dying, help me... and then being sorry that i even dared feel that way, and then screaming for my mother. i am so weak when it comes to stories about mothers nowadays, i lost my own mother a few years ago. so hearing that scream hurt.

and of course, the fact that no one acknowledges it. everyone else is frozen, like they arent even there. no one even looked their way for those last few minutes. no one responded. even as they apologized to everyone in sight, no one cared. someone asked if they were okay, but we dont even see them.

my entire life has been me screaming from the inside, but never out. and no one sees it. no one sees me. ive never seen another scene like this ever. it tore into my soul and plastered it into the screen, telling me to look at myself.

im also in a big time of change in my life. im about to go back to school after dropping out, and ive been isolated for 7 years from the world... on the youtube video of the final scene, someone said 'this is what its like going down a path in your life, and then realizing it was the wrong one, and that you wasted years of your life that you will never get back' and that hurt. that hurt so much because it was true. i went down a path that i can never change, and i just want to scream until i cant anymore. i just wanted someone to help me. all i could ever do was help myself.

what an amazing movie. there will always still be time. never forget that there will always still be more time."

[hearts401]

genuinely curious what is the pit dad au is it a good dad william au because I lowkey adore those please ramble about it I love listening to your rambles (if you have the time of course)

OOH pretty much? its a "william is a bad dad but shit happens and he realizes it early enough to fix it, or at least try" au!! plus some other drama ofc

basically william gets springlocked waaaay earlier on than in canon. he has an accident, is alone, and henry finds him too late. while henry is trying to get his body out of the suit, he wakes up and is like oh shit i died.

but he came back and he is ecstatic about that. His plan worked! he's (by all normal standards) immortal! and henry cleans him up and hes springbonnie instead of springtrap. (and of they take wills uhm. corpse out. williams rlly disturbed by it tho. henry finds that funny and they hold a funeral for william and everything and hes just. what.)

except springbon is sentient. bc springbon is my faborite. so williams got a buddy in his head! and springbon can control her own body still if she wants to! and springbon is new to parenting but she reeeeaally loves these kids

will just wants to experiment more with his newfound body and abilities and everything he can do but. without a bodyy... he cant do much off the stage unless he has the ability to walk around off of it without being in suit mode. which comes with needing to charge. and while he would totally just hook himself up to a random plug in his roomm springbon had henry cover them all with the little child proof plugs and will cant get them off bc his robot fingers r too big so if he stays in his room too long, he'll pass out (or just. power down? since hes a robot?)

so he's forced to interact with his family.

but he really does find he enjoys time away from work and his kids are not actually horrible obnoxious idiots like he'd always thoguht of them as (as a mixture of not wanting kids in the first place and being bitter that his wife is dead) and he realizes wow. this isnt so bad. he also bonds a lot more with henry and vanessa (the latter of which was just. his employee. he didnt know her well before but she's fun and helps him with maintenance when henrys busy)

in this au, Michael is 11-12, elizabeth is 7, and evan is 6! so they r pretty young. Michael does have built up resentment towards his father bc of how neglectful and cold he was, and williams like wow! that was shitty of me! mostly bc he sees howspringbonnie interacts with his kids and it vaguely reminds him of his wife. and hes like okay! time to reconcile with my kids! and while evan and liz eventually r like yeah this is cool mike is not. hes very hesitant to trust his father and doesnt liek him!!! grrr!!!! but william really wants to try!!!! try he will dammit!!!

on top of that will DID make the funtimes with the intent of experimenting with remnant but pitdad will is a wuss! he didnt make them to kill kids. he just knew remnant involved death and they were made properly to contain it, but not collect it. so basically he made machines to harvest souls without the harvesting part and jsut the souls. those blueprints and that research is concerning enough on its own tho... lets just say he wasnt on a great path and likely would've done bad things like in canon if he'd been left to his own devices. curiosity mixed with grief is a bitch and so is william afton

but the funtimes ARE sentient, and they know what they were made to do. at least circus baby does and she goes and tells everyone and they decide "yeah this place sucks lets just merge together and find a skinsuit" and that skinsuit was MEANT to be william but he. yk. has no skin anymore. his oldest son must be the second best thing, right?

also also also the missing kids are in fact missing! for other reasons tho heheheh

extra note but because of how remnant works william is TERRIFIED of fire. hes scared it'll split his soul from springbonnie so he's rllyyyy scared of fire and stuff!!!

i think thats all? thats all i can think of i could probably answer more specific questions tho this is the gist!!!! im glad u love my sillyguys and rambles ueueue

[purpleglitch]

READ @demonstars 'S ROLESWAP!DNF FIC RIGHT NOWW!!!!

-> -> -> -> (CLICK HERE) <- <- <- <-

Ok warning this is very long, i'm gonna ramble about the fic on itself here because UGFHGHHG i cried 😢💖 nunki tqm te debo mi vida entera

Starting with RS!George's pov during the prison break i love that so much, he's so chaotic in this au i really liked how he's the main focus :((( ohhgg the scrungly, and besides dnf being the main relatioship of the story i can't stop thinking about the silly dynamic of george and techno and the vibe of "we're not that close but you're my best friend's lover so i'll help you i guess :/", and them immediatly rushing to hana kingdom looking for dream with the compass.

THE VISUALS!!!! i love love love how it was all described, the imagery, all the plants and flowers surrounding the castle and after reading it, thinking how a big part of it was probably HD's influence on the world trying to keep dream hidden (and trapped), the fact that the kingdom was meant to be a safe place for "war criminals" according to dream, and they both thinking he meant a safe place for george,,, hheartbreakign reading about sapnap's absence in the kingdom to keep an eye on dream and also not appearing during the chase to capture george after breaking out of pandora like MAN. (also FUCK Q) my poor fucking cat george dealing with so much pain for a year im goign to throw uo :(

george knows thanks to techno that dream is going to welcome him back with open arms but still he's scared of the small possibility of dream not being in his room and all the scenarios of why that would be, but not wanting to show that panic to techno so he covers it with insults and deflection. and how for a split second he thought the worst case scenario happened and someone killed dream on their way there (ALSO GEORGE'S PARANOIA MENTION :c ). I love the imagery of dream being like the sun for the flowers and how even the sunflowers are ignoring the actual sun to point directly to a sleeping dream, they're dependent on him, like the world's connection and pure love for its admin but amplified by HD's wish to keep him for himself (or i'm reading too much into it lmao).

I keep thinking about the rs!dteam flashback because it's making me insane,, sapnap adoring dream's admin powers but george not caring too much about it because he cared more about dream himself, and deciding that he's going to protect him and sapnap following him and training together to become dream's bodyguards and if i keep talking about it i will burst into tears,,,,,,,

the fact that the flowers and vines and plants are covering dream even blooming from his own chest and holding him down as he sleeps,,, this would go hard as a painting like if you agree. but also george defending dream and how HE is the one that knows dream the best not even any of their other closest friends like sapnap, punz or even techno, his jealousy demons are insane like if you agree. I also kept jumping on my seat whenever i noticed a referenced to lore we've talked about before like the dnf chains and dream pleading techno to rescue george from pandora ooohhggg the details,,, and techno joking about how it's the last time he does dream a favor but deep down he also cares about him that's his dearest rival and he really doesn't want him suffering :((

PAUSEEEEE I LOVE THE STORYY OF HD, XD AND PVP AND THEIR BATTLE FUCKKKK i was thinking about it because i didnt know what to do to make both pvp and xd die so hd could become a lonely god (and also applying it to dsmp canon with dreamxd) and this way is SO GOOD!!! they were doomed and my chest hurts thinking about them, “Sometimes people do stupid shit for those they love, I dunno,” I'm biting my arm off oh my gODDDD.

AND NOW HD'S BIG ENTRANCE YASSSS, and the reveal of george having talked with hd multiple times in prison and his warning of staying away from dream, and how possesive he is with dream while he's sleeping, I LOVEEEE the way it's added the uncanny valley to hd's appearance, it's my fav hc how xd and hd look so perfectly like dream and george to the point of no humanity, their faces so perfect it's evident they're pretending to be human, trying to replicate all in looks and flaws, like george's pride, and george defeating hd by making him realize that dream never cared for him, he only wanted george and only wanted hd because he was replacing george but also hd wanting dream because he was replacing xd after he died.

and george realizing that it's his fault dream got hurt by hd and him during the dethronement so he wants to free him and let him choose next even if it meant him staying away from george, that's why george telling hd that "life moves on" also soothes his soul, they both lost their lovers (by not being able to stop his fight against their other friend, and by trying to keep him away from conflict he drove him away) so george thought he also needed to move on if dream hates him because of what he did. but finally dream wakes up as hd's curse is lifted and he doesn't hate george, he's angry because he left and didn't came back for him (until now) and they still have feelings for each other YIPPEEEEEEE

can i say that i imagine off screen dream and george taking a bath together and dream tending george's wounds from torture and putting bandages on him and they're soft and cute and cry and TALK and it's an intimate moment where they connect again and it's a new beginning for them together again <3

and george's version of the gods story having a happy ending, giving hd his own happy ending too :( and it's what he believes as the story is mentioned to have multiple versions, so i think that as long as george believes that HD XD and PVP lived and are happy, it would be true :) or idk at this point i kinda zoned out i probably misinterpreted this LMAO SORRYYYY. but anyway DNF CUDDLING!!! THE REAL GOOD ENDING!!! and finally,,,,, dream is finally free from hd's curse to sleep for longer, the flowers are gone. he's gonna wake up to an embrace of his lover and start living <3

I BELIEVE IN HAPPY RS!DNF ENDGAME!!! AGAIN THANK SO MUCH FOR THIS FIC I KEEP SAYING THIS EVERYWHERE I CAN BUT IM SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS AND ALL THE ART YOU'VE MADE AND FOR LISTENING (reading¿) MY SELF INDULGENT STUFF 😭😭💖💖💕💕 i hope this made sense i started zoning out at the end of writing this so i'm really sorry if i misinterpreted some scenes!!! feel free to correct me nunkito :3 and thank u nov for hosting dtblr secret santa i loved this,, ooghghgg

[hirik0]

Forced proximity

part 1 | part 2

Day 2

Soap and Riley are returning from the first walk that day at the ass of dawn, when they nearly run Ghost over, who sneaked out of medic. Riley nearly pushing her owner to the ground and Soap got pulled from the dog face first against Ghost chest. Soap is giving Ghost a pointed look noticing that he's has casts on both arms. "How did you even get out, with both hands nearly unusebale", Soap ask impressed, while Ghost pets his dog as much his injury allow him. "I used the door", Ghost dead pans. "Well you're trip to the outside is ending here back to medical", Soap says serious. "It should not matter where I wait for the casts to come of", Ghost says frustrated, hating hospital rooms. "Simon", Soap warns. "Are you pulling rank, MacTavish?, Ghost chalenges, eyes narowing. "No, but I tell everyone that your not that scary killer machine eveyone thinks you are but a big softy letting Riley sleep in you bed." "You say this like Riley didnt bullie you in to let her sleep in bed with you", Ghost conters. "But i dont have the scary guy reputation to lose, People would probaly think that this pretty much fiting for me to do." Ghost raising his fully casted arm in a motion to hit Soaps head but then drops it. "Your scull is so thick I will just rebreak my arm", Ghost says annoyed. "So now let you get back in your bed", Soap says calmly trying to not freak out about the doppel meaning of this sentence is holding. Ghost is caughting to overplay his own reaction that is a schocked gasp. Riley looks from her owner to the guy that is taking of her at the moment. She don't like what she's seeing.

"One smoke", Ghost says in front of the base inframtry. Soap just gets his packet out putting it in between Ghost lips. It's just because he can't really use his hands, Soap tells himself to not freak out, it feels like they are dancing around a line that never exitet in their interactions before. He then gets his own out and pulls out the lighter. They light their cigarettes at the same time trying not to look in each other eyes. Ghost is blushing a littel bit his ears getting a bit warmer. They are just sharing a smoke like they always do nothing to blush about. Oh god why did Soap say that. Soap probably donst even menat it to sound like this. He's not having a school girl chrush over his CO over one sentence. Soap is also freaking out about what he just said. God, why did I say it like that? He didn't mean it like this, Ghost knows that right? Should he clarify what he meant, no that would make thinks more arkward. Topic, they need a topic to talk about. "I let Riley show of to the recruits yesterday. Half of them can't get over the damm wall", Soap says. "Did they improve after?" "Yes. I thought I would only have like 20 names on the list of people getting over the wall." "Is Riley behaving?", Ghost ask a bit stiff, also desprade for some meaningless small talk. "Chasted a Squirel and is scaring the shit out of me with suddely sleeping in my bed." Ghost chuckels at this. They are saved from the most painfully atemed of small talk by the head nurse, clearly looking for the missing patient. "Lieutnant Riley", she say stern, Riely is lifting her head from the paws at the sound of her name. The head nurse is a strict lady, that is getting dwarfen bei most of her patients, not that is matters this woman is leading her station with a firm hand. Getting on her bad site is not recomendet. "And of course Captian MacTavish making sure that my patients can smoke." The men feel like they are schoolboys getting in trouble. "I, just wanted one smoke", Ghost says trying to hide the fact he infact broke out of the infamtry. "Mhm and thats why you sneaked out when there was a emergency?", the nurse ask with a raised eye brow. "Yes Ma'am. Really craved the nicotine." "Riley, I was not born yesterday I know when my patients try to sneak away. I gues thanks for bringing him back, Captian." "No Problem, Ma'am." "Oh and MacTavish, the next time you are one of my station I expect you are a perfect patient." "Yes Ma'am." Riley just lays on the ground watching every think, jawning. "Lets, get somethink to eat Riley", Soap says after Ghost is following the nurse back in the building.

Soap trys to to his paperwork, but his interaction with Ghost earlier this morning is still haunting his thoughts. God, why did he said THAT? He will wake up in the midel of the night haunted by this moment for ever. Riley just naps clearly not giving a fuck that Soap is asking himself if he just ruined what ever conetction he has with Ghost. He can pretenet this never happend and never talk about it again. Why bring it up again if they can jsut pretent it never happend, Ghost propably has the same view on it. At the same time Ghost is writting and rewritting a text he wants to send Soap. "Bloody hell MacTavish", Ghost curses under his breath. Soap obviosly just wanted to get him back to medical, no potantional hidden meanings, so why the fuck does he still needs the conformation that there is no hidden meaning. If he needs clarification what does that mean for himself, does he want a hide meaning?

>> We are solid right? <<

There easy question, now Soap just needs to answer.

>> Of course <<

Somehow this answer leaves a empty feeling in Ghost. Nothing is changing and that is good, thats what he wants right? Right? He has to much time to overthink everythink in this stupid room. Soap still looks at the text conversation with Ghost. He answered 30 minutes ago, but he has the feeling that his respond was shit. "God, im overthinking this.", Soap mutters to himself before comtiniue with his paperwork.

Ghost looks at the celing still thinking way to much about his interactions with Soap today. Hes sure to crush his feeling under his boot like they are a bug. Feeling of this nature dont have space in this line of work. Unknown to Ghost his crush on Soap rooted in the remains of his humaity, the remains from a Simon from a long time ago and the crush is slowly blooming in more serious feelings. Just now starting to show themselfe to Ghost, grown under every glance in the changing room or Gym Ghost gave Soap, they are out of envy for Soaps bulk he tells himself, every breifing he just space out to listen to Soap talk, he dont need to pay attention he memorised the filles already and everytime his mood is getting a littel bit better when he sees Soap after a long and tirering solo mision, its because Soap is a good soilder to young to die. The feeling are about to fully show themself to Ghost when he hears his phone informing him he got a new text. Soap send a picture. Ghost hand is shakeing, feeling nervous. "Its probably just a picture of Riley", he tells himself. And it is indead a picture of Riley, but for some reason Soap thought its a good idea of taking the picture of them cuddeling. Soap still wearing one of the tanc tops he wear to work out, showing of his muscular arms whith a peacefully napping Riley on his chest.

>> Was able to increase the amount of weight I can deadlift.<<

The only think that Soap is deadlifting at the moment is the long thought dead remains of what Simon Riley was before Roba. "Bloody cunt", Ghost curses feeling how what he thought is a tiny easely destoraybel crush is blooming in to full blown attraction and posibelly even love. He can freak out how he could not notice how hes feelings are developing after he answert Soaps text.

>> Impressive, Captian. You now can deadlift a dog. <<

>> Very funny Simon. <<

>> Pretty sure i can bench press half the task force soon <<

>> Yeah, want to test this theory soon?<<

>> Ofering to be the first? <<

>> No <<

Yes. Fuck.

Ghost just presses his phone to his chest blushing hard big smile on his face. "FUCK."

[cyberdragoninfinity]

I would love to hear your Indigo Disk thoughts

YES!!!!!!! 💎🐢💥 full disclosure I only just finished Indigo Disk's main storyline like....less than 24 hours ago so I am still RIDING HIGH FROM THE RUSH OF IT ALL. will probably be spoilers ahead, as a head's up:

first off I love that like. right off the bat youre getting hit with cyrano and cavell old man yaoi. busting out the cute little nicknames like HELLO!!! AND then you have geeta showing up and rika is there for no reason whatsoever and it's like. well ok i think they were having lesbian activities on the plane over you love to see it!

anyway setting wise, the Big Ol Blueberry is pretty fun! I love running around and the Synchro Machine is SUCH a ridiculously fun feature (FINALLY, TRUE GAMING: Dana can run around as a Ninetales and smack a big ball around.) I love all the Unova callbacks and I LOVE THE DIFFERENT CLUB ROOM LAYOUTS!! The monochrome one made me tear up and SEEING THE FUCKIGN. POKESTAR STUDIOS ENEMIES. IN THE FUTURISTIC ONE. MADE ME FEEL SOMETHING. pokestar studios my beloved i miss it sooo much 😭 My buddy Snap was talkin about how the Terarium really kind of lacks... yknow, landmarks and points of interest, though, and god I agree so hard. I love that Kitakami had its own little set of interesting features and places to go and use as landmarks and the Terariuam kind of. Doesn't really have those. It's a bit of a pain in the ass to navigate and easy to get lost but not in a fun way.... even though you have these little neat natural features like The Pride Rock and Chargestone Caves, I wish we coulda had a little bit more :( For such a widely used part of the school it doesn't feel very 'lived' in by the students there. It would've been fun to see more gathering places aside from the Very Sterile Outside Classrooms.....

The Area Zero Underdepths, though...hooouughhHHHhhh. I just. I really have to admire the fact that Indigo Disk said "ohhh you want answers?? you wanna know what's going on in this place? fuck you, youre gonna have MORE questions after this, and theyre gonna be even CRAZIER ones." YOU GO IN THAT HOLE AND LEARN NOTHING AND IM NOT EVEN MAD ABOUT IT. GO LOOK AT THE CRYSTAL TREE DOWN THIS RANDOM PATHWAY. i neeeed to make a terapagos post sometime and talk more about it i cannot stop thinking about this little freak. POKEMON THAT SCARE ME A LITTLE I MUST SAY. POKEMON I DO NOT FEEL IN CONTROL OF. i Know they didnt make its charged terastal form look like a dream catcher for no reason. I Know its Stellar Form Looking Like That isnt for no reason. I know its borderline dangerous power and THAT LITTLE STUNT IT PULLS. AT THE CRYSTAL POOL. THAT'S INDICATIVE OF SOMETHING I THINK. >when Terapagos's cry was the sound Terastalizing has been making all fucking game. SCREAMS.

also again oh my god if you beat the main indigo disk storyline go to the crystal pool right now GO. GO FEEL SOMETHING. GO!!!!

ok well that's. less about setting and more about story though huh. well!! story wise, absolutely loved it! I know there was a lot of apprehension when the DLCs got more properly announced and we found out they didnt really center on Our Dear Paldea Friends as scarvio proper did, and yeah I definitely can see why that's a frustration and a deterrent for some (and I'm soo so excited to hang out with Nemona and Arven and Penny in the epilogue next month....peach time (: ) but for me in the end I'm really just so enamored and delighted with all the new friends you get to make in the DLC and they more than carry that little narrative's arc on its own. The Elite 4 of the BB League are all GREAT, they got nonstop autistic girls out here in gen 9 (nemona, amarys, briar ?!??!) and it ROCKS. and i LOVE Carmine so much, everyone always wants mean rivals and mean women and folks cant even handle Carmine 🙄 you can tell she genuinely has such a big heart and cares about her friends and her brother!!! and Kieran wahhh wahh kieran my newest Little Guy ;____;.... he is SO fourteen and I did not expect to go into the DLC getting really invested in a new character's arc but it's just GOOD. He REALLY feels like a loose yugioh character in Indigo Disk, he's so angry and obsessed with victory and ultimately under it all still capable of so much kindness and regret and he's just GOOD. And his champion battle was terrifying and a BLAST!! THE MUSIC RULES. HE EVEN HAD INCINEROAR.

god and all the music in Indigo Disk was a banger. gen 9 music save me. gen 9 music. save me gen 9 music.

i'm SUPER hyped to do more BBQs with my bestie and do more postgame stuff with the "hanging out with Gym Leaders" thing and the Legendary hunting and such... lots more to roll around in and have a good time with. All in all had just a great time with it, I genuinely might put Violet as my favorite Pokemon game of all time at this point! I do grow very sad thinking about just how even more fantastic this game couldve been if it had 1-3 more years to cook properly though, like..god damn. I was getting some LAG on those cutscenes, and I know I made out pretty alright in the bugs department!!

but for now i'll just be thinking about the shit that happens at the crystal pool for the rest of my life. also Indigo Disk gave me the best possible trainer ID photo i never need to change it again

[i-write-sin-not-tragedy]

If you were to describe living arrangements of radiohuskerdustcloud in the host club au, what would it be? Do they share rooms or live separately? Do they share apartament but not the rooms? How would weekend/free day play out in their living space, who frequently cooks and do they have chore rotation, do each or any of them have hobbies to nerd about?

THANKYOUILOVETALKINGABOUTTHEM

Im sorry this ended up being a little rambly/off topic but i got excited skfmekfk

So this au is canon-adjacent! Charlie is still around and trying to help people but hasn't gotten the idea for the hotel yet! Shes good friends with Angel though (played a big part in getting him away from the Vees and Val)

Husk runs a series of Casinos (most of which have hotels in them, as is the norm) and our main foursome live at the main Casino.

Radiohuskerdust technically share a bedroom! One bed that they share— although im putting here my HC that Alastor rarely ever sleeps and isn't the cuddly type so. Where does he go at night? Who the fuck knows lol but once in a while he sleeps there with Angel and Husk.

They have personal spaces as well, though!

They all have "Offices' in their different areas that they run.

Alastors office is just his radio tower, and he very very rarely lets *anyone* inside. (Husk is actually the only one who has gone in. At least the only one to come back out alive lol)

Angel's "office" is really just his dressing room. He runs the clubs for the casinos! And often does shows himself. He didnt fully stop doing porn after leaving the vees (That'll come up in the au actually lmfao) its more so he ONLY does it when he feels like it. He also still does stripping/dancing/escorting. Its just all on his own terms now (i stand firm that Angel genuinely likes sex work! He just has a horrible boss in canon)

Angel also handles the more. Under the table affairs at the Casinos. Look he was in the Mafia when he was alive, the group is putting that skillset to use!

Husks office is probably the most "office" one lol its in the main casino and he handles all the more business-y matters for his franchise there. Hes still a master at mixology! And sometimes slips in as the Bartender at Angels club when he wants away from real work. Plus he gets a nice view of Angels shows lol

Cloud has his own bedroom. Radiohuskerdust use the casinos top floor as their living space, and Cloud is the only employee whos room is on that floor. (Never beating the "sugar-baby" allegations my dude)

Niffty is still here in this au! She is also still the maid lol and does most of the cleaning. She enjoys it (she and Cloud absolutely HATE each other tho and are at war on the daily)

Alastor and Angel both enjoy cooking and do most if not all the cooking when they're in down time (although the guys are still overlords. They definitely have chefs and other staff who handle most of that stuff for the basic daily needs)

Cloud is. A little feral honestly??? Kwkdksk like Alastor immediately was interested in him due to him being shockingly strong for a freshly fallen sinner– he can fight and do it well. Cloud is their glorified errand boy and eventually "errands" includes taking people out.

Free time is really spent however they want! I wouldn't say "weekends" just bc that tends to be when casinos are most active- but they all have break days!

Alastor is. Himself. So his schedule is really his own to do whatever he wants with. Husk takes days off from the casino when he wants to, but prefers to be hands on most of the time.

Angel will straight up hang out in his own club for fun lol and has dragged Cloud with him more than once

Cloud is actually a really good dancer! A fact that will come up eventually in the au lol

[warriorofthesky]

starting this with the disclaimer that im a newish player (started in march) and am mostly here for the story. and i'm not a destiny doomer and am in fact counting down the days for the showcase, pretty happy with the seasons ive played so far and deeply in love with the game's world and characters. i'm having a lot of fun, i'm usually pretty annoyed at how negative this community is and ignoring destiny players on reddit and twitter was probably the best decision i've made since i downloaded the game.

HOWEVER

(tldr: destiny is a great game but a frankly terrible product. also i will compare it to ffxiv bc it is my frame of reference, sorry in advance).

(also very, veeeeeeeery long. see this as less of a "this is what i think about the state of the game article" post and more of a "i've played this game for 4 months, here is what i think about it" one.)

i dont even know what to think about the state of the game article bc i feel like im here only by happenstance, i dont care about what 95% of the player base does (that being, you know, the looter shooter part of the game) so for me the only bad thing is gambit's funeral

the whole more rewards thing simply doesnt work with me, it does not tickle my brain, im usually excited about stuff i get only bc it was hard and/or fun to get them. you will never catch me dead farming anything. you will, however, catch me dying 123123 times trying to solo spire of the watcher bc im too socially awkward to find a fireteam and overall allergic to using a mic🫠so, you know, i just dont care about 70% of that post. i acknowledge that.

but it DOES feel bad to see them go "oops, we couldnt make a new set of armor this time. btw, we arent making any of them anymore" like bruh, read the room💀is now really the time to not deliver on promises. esp when you go out of your way to shove micro transactions on our faces

it is fortunate that im also mostly immune to microtransactions bc they are all too expensive for me but they are just EVERYWHERE. i come from ffxiv and i dont even remember the store exists while im playing there. sure, ffxiv is subscription based while destiny is free to play but i'm sorry. ffxiv's free trial has more content than destiny's free to try ever will (i'd even go ahead and say ffxiv's free trial has more content than destiny ever will since destiny is fond of cannibalizing itself). especially now that they extended it to stormblood/lvl 70. depending on how much you play daily, you can spend months in ffxiv without spending a single cent.

i began playing destiny in march and immediately had to pay for shadowkeep bc what the hell was i even going to play after the first week otherwise? i keep trying to get my brother into destiny, but it is hella expensive, not to say anything of ridiculously confusing story-wise. the other day we had a big oof moment bc im trying to use dungeons to lure him in and didnt realize we had to pay for shattered throne or grasp of avarice. he didnt have the forsaken pack or the anniversary pack. i was out of money, he was only vaguely interested, and we only learned later that prophecy is the one free dungeon in the game. destiny is not free to play as far as real content is involved.

so it feels shitty to have the store shoved in your face SO much ALL the time. you have season passes and then events with their own season passes (so to speak) and then most of the cool stuff is also paid and like, ok, this is already bad, but you gotta remind me of them all the time, game? really?

it creates this massive dissonance between that the game is showing me and what i see from the many devs i follow on twitter. they are passionate people, they love what they do, i 100% believe they are doing great work within the structure they are in. but the game feels like a cash grab. its absolutely bonkers to me that the game goes out of its way to tell you that you can now buy stuff in its store. aren't you proud that now you can spend who knows how many dollars in this product of ours?? arent you??

????? okay?

and it's not just the microtransactions, it's the timegating too. my first weeks of destiny were spent with me having the thought of "god, imagine if it was like this in ffxiv. people would be SO mad squeenix would be apologizing until 2030" every other day. out of cores? too bad, you have a daily limit at rahool. out of prisms? same thing. like sir. i'm a new player. i want to at least have one set of armor masterworked. you are not convincing me to play more, you are convincing me not to give a shit. im broke af in game and out of game now lol congrats to me!

and there is more! want to do this weapon quest thingy for witch queen? too bad, not today. want to not be fool with stasis in pvp or pve? too bad, come back next week for more aspects. this chafes, yall. especially as a new player who barely has any idea of how any of these 1231231 systems work. you are not convincing me to play stasis next week. you are convincing me not to touch stasis for the next 3 months.

i will keep sighing and complaining about ffxiv's weekly capped tomestones but by god i've seen hell and it is not in ffxiv.

this state of the game that is basically telling pvpers and all four of us who enjoy gambit that they can't and won't do more feels like shit even to someone like me who actually likes gambit right now (i couldn't care less about maps lol) and who barely plays any pvp. where is all the money going? why are you shoving eververse on my face all the time then? why are you timegating me to hell in an attempt to get me to play more and spend more? why?

i do not agree with the idea that this money is going to marathon only and that is why there isn't much pvp development to speak of. that would be really stupid because destiny is bungie's main source of income and it will only be okay for them to not give a shit about it anymore when and if marathon becomes a hit and a not a moment before. however, i'm also a league player and even though i play much less now i've kept up with it and it's pretty obvious that after 10 years of being riot's only game league isn't the priority for the company nowadays. valorant is.

poor one out for legends of runeterra while we are here.

this does not mean league is abandoned. it just isn't the focus anymore. it has a consolidated player base. people are used to how it works and how content (champions) is released. there is very little financial incentive to do more than necessary. whatever is going on with bungie is... honestly normal, even if it isn't fine by our definitions. and again, i don't think it's even marathon. i think it's the executives' pockets honestly lol because what does "we don't have the resources" even mean? i know hiring more people and throwing them at the game is not the answer for quick solutions. i'm not a gamedev, but i'm a webdev working in a startup. last year we had a small influx of trainee devs and it was HELL for a few months. i'm a junior myself and i was about lose my mind if i got interrupted one more time to answer a question from the trainees again. new hires mean everyone's work will be slower for some time. but the thing is that it usually goes back to normal. i havent had a trainee interrupt my work in months now. it feels pretty incredible.

so why doesn't bungie hire more people? it will slow things down for months and months but it will pay off eventually, right? except i don't know if that's true. are more pvp maps going to bring in more money? is not shooting gambit dead going to bring in more money? probably not. again, the executives' pockets are the issue here. what i think is happening is that it isn't worth it to hire and train more people to make content for something that doesn't bring in money. and we could argue about how pvp and gambit being healthy is good for the game, how that would bring in more people or make people play and pay more, yadda yadda, but i don't believe the decision makers at bungie believe this and they might have good reasons, so what can be done? nothing, i guess. it's not like i know better than them.

so, on one side, i understand why people might be a bit miffed at the game. it feels like a cash grab. it feels like is trapping you into playing. however, i believe you are still responsible for your actions and perfectly capable of not playing if you are not enjoying it. i wish the destiny subreddit would take a chill pill and touch grass bc those people are not okay right now. but i think it's disingenuous to act as if the game isn't ridiculously greedy. because it is. this game is greedier than league and league is super greedy already (and league actually is free to play, unlike destiny).

raging at the devs will not change this. harassing the devs won't change this. they are not the ones making these decisions, especially the devs you find on social media going about their day and taking care of their lives, which are none of our business.

in the end, you kinda have to make peace with destiny-the-product or you will have a miserable time playing destiny-the-game.

i've made my peace with it. i engage with the content that brings me joy and ignore everything else. and look, the state of the game wasn't all bad. it was actually fine overall. i still find it weird that it doesn't address the real issues people had with the season (deep dives doing triple duty as simple deep dives, exotic quest and catalyst hunting was the big oof of the season for me, honestly. sometimes i just want to do a deep dive and not get roped into whatever else is going on - or the opposite, i guess. i still havent gotten the catalyst) but i gotta believe they will take the feedback when making the next seasons/expansions.

and they are finally getting rid of the ridiculous nonsense that is acquiring stasis. right after i managed to drag all my characters through all of that, sure, but at least now i can finally delete my awoken titan and make an exo one because i won't have to go through it all again. and they teased changes to the seasonal model or at least how seasons work. i'm pretty okay with what we have now, honestly. if anything i just wish the story stuff wasn't so... short. there was also something about making sure new players are caught up and that made me perk up because, please, bungie. i'm trying so hard to get my brother into this game. help me out. please.

and, the most important thing for me, final shape will conclude the saga, no seasons necessary!

just that made the whole state of the game post worth it for me. once again, my condolences to pvp players and i will mourn you, gambit, but i'm here for vibes and the lore and story, and 10 years of league of legends made me immune to shiny things on the store and 2 years of ffxiv made me too lazy to be tempted by timegated stuff. you can not kill my joy in any way that matters @ bungie's executives

the one thing i wish bungie would change (since i believe the game is too deep into microtransactions to ever be free of it) is how they communicate with players. it's not even the frequency (we have twids, as the name says, every week after all) it's just... the tone. i don't want them to give a piece of their mind to the insane people frothing at the mouth on reddit and twitter and youtube, but it's like they are speaking to an imaginary player and the (normal, well-adjusted) players are speaking to an imaginary bungie. we are not in the same wavelength at all. riot and rioters speak more to league players. of all companies out there, out of all communities out there, and riot does it better.

i understand keeping the devs safe, especially after the clusterfuck that happened recently. but it's still weird that bad actors are the deciding factor when engaging with the community. i don't know what the solution is but it does feel pretty bad overall. and its hard to take bungie seriously when most stuff they spit out is riddled with corporate speak. very little of it feels genuine.

again, i love the game. i love the characters. i love the universe and i love how queer friendly it is. ive spent the last weeks soloing dungeons and having an absolute blast, even if spire is kicking my ass really hard right now. getting the new exotic felt magical. and i've spent an ungodly amount of time theorizing about final shape and reading, watching and writing about this game. getting new veil containment stuff every week and theorizing with the community is really fun. i got the first book of the destiny anthology and i love it so much. hell, the game got me to write fanfic and only two pieces of media actually managed that (pretty easy to guess the other one at this point). i love my time here. i'm not leaving unless the story takes a nosedive of epic proportions and no, i don't think lightfall is as bad as people say. in fact, it's the second best expansion and i will fight you on that.

but destiny is not a good product, not by a long shot.

[glitch-e-stardust]

should wait until i'm done with loop to do this, but i'd like to actually sleep tonight SO

theories and tidbits to remember is.at masterpost is a go - SPOILERS GALORE UNDER THE CUT.

is siffrin their real name? they seem to be poking at themselves at least once when they ask what kind of person can't remember their own name... is siffrin one they made up? like the king did?

obvious big question is the island. no mention of a scent of sugar i can find, and similarities to the time flashes we get when picking up stuff we already have suggests time shenanigans

BUT the red meaning breaking could also mean it's like.. some kind of shield? a shell? someone WANTED the island to be forgotten but its still there...? again i've seen enough to think i can get better info from loop so that's a big pin in that. heh...

the sadnesses that smell like sugar. i tried really hard to get siff to comment on that, especially after they fully understood what wishcraft is, but no dice. so for now i'm rolling with the idea that, given how helpful they are, the smells and the stars in their design/battle screen that they are part of siffs wish.

....sorta makes you wonder if they show up when siff isnt there

...maybe loop sent them...? that. would also provide enough prove of their ability to interfere (somewhat) subtly with the party to explain how they made it through without siff that one time..

they could also be a part of the kingdoms wish. little friends to help the saviors with their savior-ing..

why are colours gone? they didnt forget how to see them - they're just gone! where did they go. did it happen around the same time the island vanished? it sounds like that was p recent (bonnie 'remembers' forgetting, they are quite young) whereas colours disapearing is treated as a great historical mystery... so no? maybe not...

who. who cloned themselves? wheres the other one? i think this is a loop related quandry.

did the king stay at the house before taking it over...? the observatory seems to be being set up as his space, the attempts to write a forgotten name in a forgotten tongue.. the stars... idk i know there are others from their island around so it may be a co incidence

i dont think the other room is his. it's clear whatever happened there happened a long, long time ago. the books are moldering away - thats not a recent thing.

the death song sounds like laughing. its a fun touch. are the mal du pays laughing at us...? they probably should be..

that boss name is a kick in the teeth (/pos)

how do get in locked house in village? it needs a word to unlock but i never learned any more phrases for that. i know the person comes out at the end but there has to be a way in.. right?

what the heck kinda high level craft user is siff? they pull off major wish craft BY MISTAKE???? a forgotten art likely unique to their land. combined with the cloak i feel like. they used. to be someone very important... i wonder if we'll ever get info to follow up on those tidbits, given particular attention is drawn to the cloak on purpose.

OH I FORGOT. the sweet smell during wish magic and the fact siff is perpetually hungry, as well as the way they loop being a tug on the stomach. that feels... at least somewhat likely to be connected right? it still doesnt explain why siff has the ability but it might at least explain what's fueling it and why he has to eat so much (and why not eating for two days is what finally stopped him)

...i think that's all i got for now. i'll. probably come back and add more as i go. little frazzled tbh.. it's. a lot. and my brain will be rolling it around for weeks no doubt.

[morguemaw]

Out of curiosity, what does it feel like to get high? I'm massively anxious about being under any influence, so I like to ask when I know someone's okay with it so that I kind of live it vicariously :) part of the anxiety of it is because addiction runs in the family, and part of it is because i hate being out of control-- even being too sleepy to function doesn't sit well with me.

Thats super valid!! I know alot of people have bad thoughts about weed so i understand! I also wouldnt suggest anyone do weed of any kind unless you can understand what will happen and its legal of course For me how it feels varies, but the gist is I feel extra giggly, smiley, kinda out of breath and from what my gf says i talk in a high pitched tone, i tend to forget things or repeat things, and it leaves me feeling numb, kinda dizzy, and kinda out of it The downfall for me is with the numb feeling i cant feel body pains or my own breathing, so i do need to remind myself to take some big gulps of air a few times, but the plus is i can eat some foods i couldnt normally because of my sensitive teeth ( ice cream is an example ), when it comes to body pains i rearranged my entire room ( which fun fact it keeps me fairly focused on physical tasks like cleaning or cooking ) and didnt know my hip was hurting until i was coming down from a high and was super confused why my hip felt like i pulled a muscle HAGHGA Its super easy to freak me out, i get scared easily and i do get emotional, though i can say its still super fun even if it gets scary at points bc well thats just the fun of high for me! Its exactly like a roller coaster. When you get on you know what to expect, but until it kicks in more you dont grasp it fully until there you are! It only comes fully into registering while you are coming down from it and think back on what you can remember

[squashwurmz]

ent. 1

today is tuesday, aug 20, 2024. not sure why i formatted like that buuut anyways!

i had an okay day. nothing really special. my first period is always fun and my second period i TA, so it's not like i do anything there in the first place.

ooh, i also spent all day listening to music. this months song is seasons in the sun, which makes me kinda sad. im pretty sure its from the perspective of a man reminiscing life on his death bed, i think. when i hear it, i think of someone who wants to commit but finds it hard to. they take notice of all the nice things in life, like singing birds and pretty girls, but still know that they're going to do it anyways. i really like the lines "goodbye my friend, its hard to die" and "goodbye papa, please pray for me"! the last lines of the song definitely are more towards an old man dying, plus the mentions of running out of time, but i feel like they can also be interpreted as someone succumbing to their mind and/or mental illness. thats just my perspective though :P i also rlly like the nirvana cover!

tbh i think why ive been listening to that song so much is just because ive been coming to terms with my own feelings towards committing. in my mind its all together with accepting the fact that im growing up and changing, and so are the people around me. i dont really allow myself to enjoy media very much anymore since i immerse myself too much, and once i come out of it, i get very depressed. ive had suicidal feelings before but my sophomore year was especially bad.

coming out of that year alive made me really think about what's making me feel this way. i dont really talk to my parents a whole lot, even though i know they try. it sounds so overdone but they don't let me express emotions easily so i kinda just shut off around them. i dont really like being around them.

i think ive grown disconnected from my friends over the years, but they'll always be my people. i doubt anything could really change that. they know more about me than anyone and i love them with my whole heart. if i stay, its most likely for them.

hey, also, ive never had a boyfriend!! i would KILL to have a cute sweet corny ass teenage romance. im a junior man, times running out!!! i dont know what im doing wrong. its like everyone got a manual on how to interact with each other and get TGOETHER BUT I DIDNT!! what the egg. this year its my mission to catch some bitches PLEASE

im taking ap studio art this year soo im making a portfolio. i only have one idea for my investigation and its.... *drumroll* growing up!! whew!! i dont have the concept really polished, but its something along the lines of coming to accept the fact that im getting older and evolving as a person, which means so are my peers and so is my environment, which is all very much out of my control. id also like to note the bonds ive made with my girls too though, since its played a big part of my life. theres genuinely nothing more in the world i couldve asked for than to grow up with my friends like i did.

ill probably have a more exacted idea as the week goes on and once i retrieve my notes from the art room. anyways i think i have a caffeine dependance now so i should figure out how to not! have that.

i think that's it for my first entry!! see u next time :3

[bardictwink]

just fr venting about my weird ass living situation

god so i've been in like... i don't wanna say it's an abusive living situation but i've essentially had the roommate from hell for two years. met her through work and we're friends. decide to take on the lease w/ her because there was one more empty room. i think i might have ignored signs because she had issues with other roommates before but i also had issues with the one (in hindsight i think the other girl might have been fed up because she was definitely being treated the same way by someone who was like, 7 years older than her lol).

this is all like spring summer 2022. things are going okay. we find another roommate who is pretty chill.

so, at this point we're sending the rent money to my one roommate and the company that owns our building takes it out of her account. she asks us every month to give her rent. she just completely stops paying the rent all together and i keep getting emails and court dates because theres like 4000 dollars owed in backdue rent that was never paid

all while she gets increasingly more hostile in behaviour, blaming everything on me. not cleaning up after herself and saying it's me. etc etc

she also steals my clothing and goes into my room w.o asking me to take said things. i would buy groceries and she wouldnt buy anything and just eat my stuff. ask me to get things like coffee and milk and make her and her longterm situationship (lol) coffee.

somehow manages to pay it all off. tells everyone in our personal life it was in fact, my fault she didn't pay her rent at all (while taking my money) (she said it was because i never bought groceries and never paid my rent). wasn't aware she was saying this so idk if it's just no one thought that was important info. since i didnt know this and we had signed on for another year i was like... maybe i can forgive this whatever, we're friends.

since we're the only ones on the lease and the other roommate isnt, we now have rent split in two and half comes from mine and hers. she is supposed to send me the remainder i'm owed from my other roommate. never sends it so i pay half the rent and am stuck in a cycle of poverty. continues to not buy groceries etc. continues to not clean except wjen she feels like it. leave huge messes, but gets mad if u like. forgot to put a sock away (sends photos on messenger with a ? mark)

still doesnt pay her rent at all so we owe 2500 again.

she has a full time job and makes more than me but she has a shopping addiction or something lol. i remember telling some friends and they thought drugs or something but like. it is fr clothing. the actual cost of the current place isnt that much with 3 people splitting rent + utilities.

anyway now we both found new places and we're both moving out in july. i was having trouble finding a place and she would ask lik "ooohhh what are u going to do? *pleading eye emoji* and then i said i was planning to move in with a certain friend and she went to tell that person that i'm an awful roommate and dont clean up after myself but thankfully my friend knows she's INSANE and has to be blameless. and idk. it just felt like such a weird thing to do when you know someone is trying to find a place to live. it's not like im moving out abruptly. she found a studio????

there was just soo much weird behaviour i felt like i was going crazy. any time i got sick or had a cold she would get super weird and defensive and tell me i'm a hypochondriac. and i mean like, over me getting a cold or the flu. i've called off work maybe once or twice in a year and she would get super weird about it and blame me for getting sick. this woman lies in bed most of the time she isn't working but if i decided to sleep a cold off... it's like the end of the world. but i thnk it's bc she was leeching off A UNIVERSITY STUDENT WHO WORKS PART TIME AND BARELY MAKES MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGE so obviously if i miss a shift it's a big deal (i was working like 25 hrs a week which is wayyyy too much for a student and since i had student loans i could afford to work less but whatever. my expenses have been needlessly higher bc ive had to deal with this)

[ardn632-haydenmiddleton]

“PICTURES OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN” ARTICLE ANALYSIS

This article talks about how the act and art of photography is now easily accessible and widespread, and what that means for photographers and world as a whole. It talks about the way we express ourselves and our identity through photography and social media, how we can almost write down our own story, which sounds like a really good thing to be able to do. Although for some it can become a thing filled with pressure to present the most perfect identity to the world. I’ve heard this talking point plenty of times that I personally feel no pressure to show myself in a particular light or way, I guess now with the connectedness of the internet there is less room for private thought or imagery which can become an issue. In fact I’m a big enjoyer of being able to capture or “write” down my story through simple snapshot images thanks to the technology of smartphone cameras.

Although I understand what the article means when it says how the supply and demand of an image has changed and every similar, basic, homogeneous photography someone takes and uploads ultimately strips away a small part of the art of photography’s value. I’d argue that this isn’t true though and it’s exclusionary to think that these basic snapshots aren’t somewhat important in their own way, what we are creating now is a widespread archive of photos from everyday people of everyday lives. And anyways I think there’s also been a splitting over time of what is thought out, photography for the sake of art, photographs and then also this category of photography for the sake of archival and preservation which is just as powerful now that it can reach the average person and not someone rich and with a lot of free time to buy and develop photograph raws. I think unbeknownst to us these trends and filters being made will become something people look back on nostalgically like early social media users felt with “nostalgic” and “vintage” photo filters which depicted the quality and texture of old processed photographs. Maybe it won’t be as impactful as these photo processing methods simply because it isn’t a crazy advancement in technology, but digital cameras now and smartphone cameras have sort of hit this wall in terms of how much more realistic we can capture the world around us, and now it is up to us to continue developing the artistic world around it, which also includes filters I believe, and then other experimental photography techniques. It’s our turn to push this technology far, creatively and as we please, like how William Mumler and William Hope discovered how to do “spirit photography” by using long exposure or photo manipulation techniques.

Also in defense against the claims of digital photography being lost, it is just as likely for a box of physical photographs to be lost, burnt, destroyed, damaged, as it is for digital copies of photos to be lost, so this argument feels silly to me. Of course it is important to keep our photos safe, especially keepsakes, but I wouldn’t feel any more safer with these images printed out. There are plenty of ways to back up images digitally which can help increase the safety of the preservation of images, more so than there is for physical photos I believe.

Maybe I’m too optimistic or hopeful, but photography is beautiful, even if majority now of photography online in social media is just thousands of images of selfies or “food porn”, think about the thousands of photographers and photography artists who are now working creatively and taking photos thoughtfully, pushing the boundaries of photography and art in their own way. There are probably so many creatives out there who would have never been able to get their foot out there in photography before due to expenses, or lack of resources or time. This widely accessible ability to photography only continues to aid artists and our knowledge and understanding of what photography can become. And it takes some looking and digging but underneath the average sea of snapshot photography, you can also find these hidden gems, people who are really talented just online or on social media.

Overall, especially near the end of the article, I just got a bad taste in my mouth about the attitude the writer had towards the modernisation of photography. I understand a lot of the points yes, but I also just believe that photography doesn’t just need to be for the elite or perfectly done. For a lot of people, photography and using filters on their photos is just for fun and we should let people have their fun. I also don’t agree that there’s some kind of issue of self behind people who use vintage filters. I think people who use filters have a perfectly normal pace at figuring out their self or identity and that a vintage filter that a social media app has to offer will in no way affect that in an extreme way and it feels like a crazy leap to make against todays people or communities.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

More Umineko

episode 1, part 5

the hidden family treasure isnt real, it cant hurt you

thats one hell of a bombshell to just drop and then leave the room without any elaboration. but i had been expecting the "six" mentioned to die in the riddle to be the older siblings and their partners. minus rosa maybe. idk. she seemed in a special position both because she is not as shrewed as her other siblings and because i expect the maria population to be affected by her death.

and i fully expect maria to be important later on due to her unique relationship with beatrice.

but well. thats not what happened later on.

anyway. rudolf, this isnt about you, first we need to look at my favourite wet dog of a woman, natsuhi.

damn girl. i promise youre not just a childbearing multifunctional screwdriver.

and of course not only does that mean her husbands status as the future family head is endangered, and her late childbirth "caused" that, he also didnt deem it necessary to mention the gold actually exists to her. she spirals so beautifully and painfully. all she ever wanted was to be useful and be a support tool and to make "her" family prosper. the family she left another one behind for. damn girl thats a sad unhappy marriage you got there. is the golden cage comfortable enough to endure it? are they feeding you good food through the bars? are they dusting you off on that high trophy shelf of yours? she has been made to understand that she has no worth on her own and she will Never be a real part of the ushiromiya family. later on we see her sad little room with her sad one person bed. its dire.

natsuhi would be a different person, had she been born in a position with more power. as a man. as an ushiromiya.

and he really just said "no you cant lol"

while krauss fails to comfort her and is, frankly, just kind of a prick, its understandable he doesnt want to involve her, i guess. its very interesting that this seems to be a cycle too, she is trying to secure a good marriage for her daughter as well, who she believes has no value of her own (bad grades, rowdy character.... undesirable leader and wife material), much like how she had to marry into this family too.

damn, so same as rosa perpetuating the physical violence.

its very touching to see natsuhi and jessica try and be nice and understanding to each other for Once. they really have to force themselves. its a lot of emotional labour that goes into it and its not perfect but there is value in it. even if ultimately i think it just brings up and enforces how big the chasm between them is. even though they are both in a similar position, strained and controlled by expectations around them, they cannot muster up the strength (and agency) to help each other and find happiness. sad!!!

its the undiagnosed narcolepsy.

and just like natsuhi, rosa has a short moment where she gets to express her apologies about pushing her trauma on her daughter. and much like natsuhi too, the message cannot reach its destination, no matter how good the intentions were.

speaking of fantastic healthy enviroments

even so, the evening goes well for shannon, i would say. in fact well enough to be a flag. the furniture plot thickens and, if she can survive the death flag that was just placed on her for longer, shannon might be graced with the chance to join the ranks of People. even if that does not necessarily equal being a Better People (=ushiromiya family member, as discussed above)

and yup. sure enough. shes nowhere to be found. instead natsuhi remains, protected by the charm perhaps. (this is my beatrice respects marias ambition to become a witch theory. dont interfere) its unfortunate.

the funniest possible way to lead the convo about how you appreciate your daughter in law

i really hope kinzo saying this to natsuhi made her feel somewhat appreciated bc god knows she needs it. where did that come from though. will he need a favour of her later? does he wish for her to succeed as an heir? since his children all only seem to wish for financial gain... while natsuhi cares about name and outward appearances. there is absolutely manipulation involved, even if it makes natsuhi feel good. and now she is powerful. at least for a while. and she shall be mean and evil towards others again. yay!

maybe im too obsessed with the gender politics of it all but it feels so significant that this was how kinzo decided to initially phrase it. he too sees that natsuhi would be a different person, had she been born in a position with more power.

well, its the morning of october the 5th. where is the dangan ronpa crime scene i had been expecting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[samuel-is-an-idiot]

So... my dad and I had a fight. A really big one. More like my dad got angry and I sat there. So this morning I was working at one og the florist shops that accepted to take me in for my internships and my dad was at home and he decided to clean the house including the part of the house that we call "my quarters" because only I go there and working online classes most of the timz means I basically live there. So my quarters are the whole "second level" to the house which means; the stairs, my room, the office, the guest bedroom, a bathroom straight from the backrooms and toilets. It sounds big, and it feels huge when you have to clean it but in reality every room is quite small my bedroom is pretty much the biggest room there and we can basically only fit my bed, and a couple tiny drawers otherwhise you wont be able to fit in yourself.

Anyways my dad decided to adventure there the thing is: my mental health has been through hell and probably became Satan's lap dog or something cause it has been BAD. And I havent been able to clean correctly in a very long while. The thing is when you do online classes for 35h a week, dnd sessions, and sleep in remotely the same place that shit gets MESSY. Really REALLY Really REALLY REALLYYYYYY messy. And if you're not able to clean it correctly well you're fucked. And my dad walked into... That.

So he was angry. He picked me up after work and I had collected something that I was really proud I made and he basically went "yeah that's straight to the trash" and then he explained to me that he cleaned "my quarters" this morning. Among the things he said was "you know the conditions to living with me" (fun fact about why I live only with him is that I was kicked out by my mom and quite violently traumatized by the experience) so that HURT. And when i say it hurt I mean I completely shut down. He told me it had made him furious, which I understood completely and that I was lucky he had calmed down since then. Midway home he stopped to get a pack of cigarettes (fun fact about my dad; he stopped smoking so you can understand how bad he was angry with me). When he came back however he had calmed down a bit and tried to get me to react/smile to something he did. Which I didnt because I hurt him/made him mad and I was/am extremely ashamed about. We then got back on our way and he tried to get the conversation light and talk me down from the shutdown.

Finally we got home, out the car and started wamking home, he slowed his pace to match mine stopped me, kissed me on the head and kept going.

I may not get all hints because im autistic zns social cues suck but that was a clear "I may be beyong furious but I love you" and I have NEVER EVER had my dad do that. Before the divorce he was NOT like this, he was absent almost like a roommate you never see. Some guy in your house. Then he had to take us on 1/2 weekends and deal with his children (both of us basically late teens) and then he had tp take a very traumatized kid in full time and I dont know how or why but that made him chanhe to the point of him being able to in the middle of pure white fury get gentle.

I'm really proud of him because he does not come from a family like that AT ALL and he comes from quite far to take for our own relationship but I am also incredibly ashamed of putting him in such a state especially since he is quite stressed right now as well.

So yeah anyone can come from anywhere and end up good. My dad is a good dad. My mental and physical health sucks. Aaaaaaaand I dont know what to do to be able to clean more often/better.

Tldr: local autistic kid gets emotional of dad's emotional availability journey

[c4ndl3-w1ck]

hi there. mentally ill guy here.

i think putting a blanket statement over a ship and saying anyone who ships it supports pedophila and incest is fucking insane.

let me tackle this one by one.

the camera thing. is it ever mentioned that xefros doesnt know about them heck? is it even mentioned that that's an actual thing dammek did?

and if it is, here comes my next point.

Borderline Personality Disorder Part one, Psychosis

yeah bet you didnt see that coming.

BPD is a personality disorder caused by trauma. living in constant fear for your life, surprise surprise, causes trauma.

"but dude you cant get diganosed with BPD until you're an adult"

AHA! thats where you're wrong. Teens can in fact be diagnosed with BPD.[1] Dammek is soon to be 7 sweeps old, which is 15 and 2 months. This leaves him most likely around 14-15 years old. (yeah hey maybe we should put a pin in that, yeah?)

Now we get to the part with the cameras. Why the fuck would a heavily traumatized teenager who fears for his life have cameras in the room of the person he's the closest with.

No no no, don't give me "oh hes a creep" use your fucking brain for once. be rational.

The answer is psychosis.

Psychosis is defined as a mental condition that causes hallucinations and delusions. It's a symptom of many mental illnesses, including BPD.

"Both auditory hallucinations and delusional ideation (especially paranoid delusions) are relatively common in individuals with BPD."[2]

As someone who experiences paranoid delusions on the regular, so does dammek. that is why he has so many security measures in his hive. that is why he has cameras in both his and xefros's hives. that is why he has a godforsaken apocalypse shelter.

Because when you have paranoid delusions telling you that either you or someone you care about so fucking much is going to die, that shit fucks with you. it fucks with you hard. so him having cameras in xefros's room, though weird, is most likely put there so his psychosis doesnt get worse. so that he can tell himself that xefros is alive.

Part two, Autism

now, for this part, i struggled to find up to date articles on the overlap of BPD and ASD, so most of this will be based off of my own experience as someone within that overlap.

"Stealing his belongings, manipulating him into submissive roles (while also insulting him), and being a big source of his immense anxiety and low self esteem, are signs of a abusive relationship."

Hey. Buddy. Puts a hand on your shoulder. Hey those first two and a half things? How do I put this. Those are symptoms. Those are symptoms, and judging from Dammek's character, they are not intentional.

because yeah this kid wakes up every night and rubs his hands together going i cant wait to be an abusive piece of shit to the one person who loves me on this horrible planet.

Does this stop his from being a big source of Xefros's insecurities? No. It doesn't. But just like every other horrible homestuck relationship (dirkjake, karezi, actually scratch dirkjake the entirety of the alpha kids, damara and rufioh, eridan with fef and vriska, me and my ex {just kidding}) these motherfuckers refuse to talk about their emotions.

LA PIECE DE RESISTANCE: THESE BITCHES ARE KIDS

Wow look at that are you looking. Yeah I said we'd put a pin in that.

Dammek and Xefros are at least 14 years old, turning 15. (Same as joey, hiveswap takes place on nov 11, her birthday is january 1st.)

They are still growing and changing as people. They are not going to be fucking perfect. Have you met a teenager. They are insane. They are fucking crazy. And they are chock-full of hormones.

Dammek is stated to be going through his "rites of maturation" soon. This is implied to be a form of troll puberty. Probably some cocoon shit cause trolls are bugs.

tl;dr. what the fuck is wrong with you xefros and dammek are just hormonal teenage boys with mental illness as a result of trauma

i could have worded this better but honestly who give a shit

[1] Healthline, BPD in Teenagers - Written by Traci Pedersen, edited by Kelly Morrell, medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD, copy edited by Naomi Farr

[2] D'Agostino, A., Rossi Monti, M., & Starcevic, V. (2019). Psychotic symptoms in borderline personality disorder: an update

Reminder that Xefmek / Xefdam is abusive. Anyone who supports this ship is supporting proship, and romanticizing abuse.

It shouldn't have to be explained with how obvious it is but putting cameras in someone's house (especially in places as intimate as a bedroom area) is a violation of someones privacy. This is not a relationship that can work out even if Dammek gets better, because the trauma inflicted on Xefros is already so severe. (e.g. If Xefros finds out for several years of his life he has never had privacy in his bedroom but rather has been constantly recorded, I imagine the thought would make him feel nauseated, dizzy, and be paranoid for much of the rest of his life wondering if someone he trusts is violating him again and he doesn't know it.)

Stealing his belongings, manipulating him into submissive roles (while also insulting him), and being a big source of his immense anxiety and low self esteem, are signs of a abusive relationship.

If you support this you are a proshipper.